I don’t actually plan to use profanities on this blog. Heaven forfend your children should find this site! What I mean by “the Profane Cook” is that I learn by doing, and I learn by making mistakes. Every time I make one of these mistakes, a string of profanities erupts from my mouth (I swear like a sailor), and then I learn something valuable. What I hope from this site is to help you skip the mistakes and the profanities and go straight on to make something beautiful and delectable. For example: If you are brewing a batch of beer and you have a five gallon carboy (a big glass jug that holds five gallons of liquid), do not put five gallons of wort (beer before it’s beer) into your carboy and then place it into your closet with all of your clothes, particularly if you’re prone to leaving your clothing all over the floor of your closet. There is not enough space in the carboy for the fermentation process, and your wort will explode like Mount St. Helen’s and cover every piece of clothing that you own with a brown sticky, sugary liquid and a ton of hops and other sediment. This is the part where the profanities come into play! All you have to do is make a smaller initial batch or use a bigger carboy. It’s a very simple fix, and now you are free to brew your beer and skip the profanities! This is a blog for everybody out there who wants to have some fun cooking and isn’t already an expert. I’m off to Le Cordon Bleu London in October, and I can’t wait to share all of the ridiculous mistake I make there! As I go through my culinary education, making my mistakes along the way, I’ll take you along with me. There’s no reason we can’t all be better cooks! I’m heading off to London after a couple of years of experience cooking in restaurants in Minneapolis, MN, and just the simple shift to the metric system and Celsius should be enough to set me into sailor mode! Conceptually, I am aware that 165 degrees Fahrenheit is not the same thing as 165 degrees Celsius, but how many dishes do you think I’ll reduce to a pile of smoldering ashes before I figure out what the difference really is? Wish me luck!